I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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