I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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