you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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