And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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