come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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