i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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