hotel room ftw
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
