i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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