Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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