Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize