she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize