I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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