...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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