I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize