If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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