I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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