She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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