Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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