I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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