Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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