jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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