My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize