I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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