I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
