I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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