just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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