well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize