You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Enjoy the penises
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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