So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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