apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
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I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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