awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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