Non-Jews are for practice
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize