Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize