Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize