I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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