When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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