you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize