Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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