I threw up into my coffee this morning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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