watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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