Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize