I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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