Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize