i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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