we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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