Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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