the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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