Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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