So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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