I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize